In this episode you'll meet Shifa Quraeshi who tells a true story about a date set up for her by her uncle. This guy really is a true stud that her uncle thinks is just perfect for her. Dating isn't easy, but this really could turn out to be her dream man. Listen in to find out!
In this episode you'll meet Shifa Quraeshi who tells a true story about a date set up for her by her uncle. This guy really is a true stud that her uncle thinks is just perfect for her. Dating isn't easy, but this really could turn out to be her dream man. Listen in to find out!
In our third season of the podcast, we bring you I Did It for the Story as part of Story District Presents. All new episodes will feature true stories told live on the Story District stage and insights about storytelling from the host, Amy Saidman, Story District's Executive Director.
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This podcast is produced by Christopher Lee and Amy Saidman.
Music by Graceful Movement
Shifa: So I say, okay, yeah, um, man of my dreams. What's he like? Well, he's Muslim and has a good job. What else do you need? I mean, I need so much. I need a sense of humor. I need personality. I... I look at the photo my uncle just sent me and wow, this just might be my man.
Amy Saidman: Welcome back to I did it for the story. In this episode, you'll meet Shifa Qureshi. Shifa shares a true story about a bad date from Story District's Worst Date Ever contest. In this annual show, storytellers share their truly grisly tales of a date gone wrong, then the audience gets a chance to vote, and they choose the absolute worst.
The winner goes home with a coveted golden plunger. Worst Date Ever is back again for the sixth year, so if you're in the D. C. area, get your tickets at storydistrict. org and join us on Valentine's Day at the Howard Theater.
I'm Amy Saidman, the director of Story District. Story District is a Washington, D.C. based nonprofit dedicated to teaching and promoting the art of storytelling. In this podcast, we aim to showcase great storytelling, and for those of you interested in telling your own stories, stick around to the end for some educational takeaways. Because one of the things we do most is coach. We've coached thousands of people to tell stories, and we work with companies as well.
So, we want you to also be out there telling great stories. We believe that a well told story is powerful. It opens hearts, changes minds, and bridges divides. Now let's get to our storyteller.
Shifa: My uncle calls me up and says, Shifa, you're never going to believe this. I found the man of your dreams. Now, I've never talked to my uncle about my dreams.
Or the kind of man who might star in them. So, I'm a little skeptical, but, ever since my dad passed away, my uncle has felt a lot of responsibility towards me, and I understand that this is important towards him. So, I say, okay, yeah, um, man of my dreams, what's he like? Well, he's Muslim, and has a good job.
What else do you need? I mean, I need so much. I need a sense of humor, I need personality, I… I look at the photo my uncle just sent me, and wow, this just might be my man. He is tall, sharp jaw, those nice forearms, uh, kinda looks like live action Tarzan. And my uncle is ready to fly me down to Florida so me and Tarzan can meet.
I am sold. So. So, the next weekend, I take the bus over to LaGuardia Airport, head down to Palm Beach, Florida, and Tarzan texts me, reconfirming our plans that we're going to meet in two hours. I love this. We're on the same page. Plus, this gives me enough time that me and my cousins can meet. I can get the tea on who this man really is.
Right? Uh, I head over to my uncle's house and I'm filled with that really warm feeling that comes from being in a space surrounded by so much family. Uh, there's my great aunt. I give her a big hug. There's baby Kashif and wait, who's there on the sofa? Is that Tarzan? Worse, his phone is still in his hand from when he texted me that we're going to meet in two hours.
Instead, I get to meet him in front of three generations of my family. I say the most awkward salaam of my life. Aunties are taking very discreet photos, the phone in my pocket is buzzing, the family group chat is poppin’ off, uh, yeah. They are blowing this first meeting way out of proportion, wedding colors have been chosen.
I say, hey, Tarzan, weren't we supposed to meet two hours from now? And he's like, oh, I thought it'd be a nice surprise to meet with your family. So that's a little weird, but he had good intentions. It's alright. Uh, so we head out, we go to his car. He's the perfect gentleman opens the car door for me. Um, and you know, he takes out a little pocket comb and fixes already perfect hair.
Uh, whatever. He is showing a lot of interest in me. He asks about my hobbies, my friends, whether I have any male friends, and I do. So I say yes. And he says, ooh, that's going to be an issue. Well, why? Because I know how guys think. So of course I ask if he has any friends who are women and he turns to me and says, Shifa they're like sisters to me. Yeah, no hint of cognitive dissonance in his mind at all.
I am, you know, a little thrown by this, but Tarzan is charging full ahead. Next question he asks is, What's your ideal relationship timeline? And I explain that, you know, it's not really on a timeline for me. It's more about finding the right person.
And he said, oh, well, that's great, but I want to be married within the next six months. And I, I'm a little flattered. Like, ooh, okay. So, you've definitely found the person you think is your right match then. And he says, well, actually it's because I'm losing my hair.
The most romantic thing to hear on a first date. We have reached the museum that we were heading towards, and, uh, we've just been lingering in the car for a minute, as we speak. And I see something scuttling out of the corner of my eyes. I turn my head, and there, on the armrest, is a cockroach! Oh my god, it's a cockroach!
I jump out of the car! Tarzan, to his credit, grabs the cockroach, throws it out the window, I sit back down and oh my god, there's another one by my feet. I am screaming at this point. I think this is an appropriate reaction to seeing that a car is, has multiple roaches in it. But Tarzan looks at me like I'm the crazy one.
He grabs my arm. Same hand he touched the cockroach with. Says, Shifa, calm down. They only come to this side of the car when the engine is off. So this man's car was infested, and he had no issue with it. He didn't see this as a problem. I jump out of the vehicle, head into the museum. I need to get away from this parking lot.
There must be a way to salvage this. We're in one of those museums that used to be, like, um, an old white dude's house and has been turned into an art gallery. Yeah, um, and I walk in and I see that we're walking into the colonial room. Um, of course, I say, I turn to Tarzan, I say, of course this old white man's mansion has a colonial room.
Thank you for laughing. Yeah, he didn't laugh. In fact, he turns to me and says, Shifa, I really admire the British Empire.
What'd he say? He said, I really admire the British Empire, don't you? No, no, I don't. And then he says, oh, it's because you're a woman. You just can't understand my manly, ambitious urge to leave a mark on this world. At this point, I say, hey, listen, Tarzan, we're clearly on two different wavelengths. I don't like double standards.
I don't like unhygienic vehicles. I definitely don't like colonialism. I start walking away. But he follows me, of course, and he says, Shifa, Shifa, wait, hold on. And he's, I feel something change in his tone. He's being very sincere for maybe the first time. He's trying to connect with me emotionally and he says, listen, I heard about your dad passing, and I really sincerely wanted to say that I understand that kind of grief.
Because in 2020, I was laid off.
Yeah, the date was over. I gave him a bunch of platitudes, but made it very clear that there would not be a repeat performance. He would have to find his six months with someone else. And then I went back to my peaceful existence in Brooklyn. A week later, my uncle calls me up, says, Shifa, you're not gonna believe this.
And I'm like, oh no, I'm not ready for this, not ready for the next one. Uh, and he says, you really dodged a bullet. Tarzan, in the last week, has shaved his head, left his job, bought a one way ticket home. And then he says, Oh, Shifa, the one thing that every Asian child wants to hear. I'm proud of you. You showed good judgment.
And I realized something. It's not just any Muslim man with a good job who's worth your time.
Amy Saidman: Oh my gosh, I fell completely in love with Shifa the first time she told a story which was for Which Way is Mecca?, which was an all Muslim show that we'll be doing again in April in Washington, D. C. Um, but for this one, oh my gosh, cautionary tale, question who you trust to set you up. Definitely think twice if it's an uncle.
I mean, I feel like pretty much people are weird about setups. Like you think they know you and then when they, you know, set you up with someone and… And it's like such a disconnect. You, you think it's like it, who do you, what, what do you think of me? If this is the person you're setting me up with, it's just so awkward.
I mean, on the one hand it's helpful because it's so hard to date. It's so hard to meet someone. So you kind of want people to help. But at the same time, man, it is so…awkward. Like my father like, just like out of the blue, tried to set me up with a gay man at a funeral. Um, and I had this one friend that it just didn't just, she would stop by with random dudes.
The criteria being, I don't know that they were single and could breathe, but it was just never a good match. I had to, I was just like, please stop. Please stop. I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. So you really just have to know your source and you gotta, you also have to know what you're, and I love that she ends on kind of a note of, you know what, it's, I, I have some, I have standards.
I'm going to, you know, get the right guy for myself, not just any guy. So, um, one thing I wanted to… So with every story, uh, every podcast episode, I like to find something that's kind of a teachable moment. And when one of the things about this story is that there were so many things and we had to pare it down, but also this is kind of a list and a story that is a list can be boring, so you can't have just. Um, it can't be flat. It has to escalate.
There has to be some kind of thing that is getting worse, or revelation that's becoming more clear. I would say both things were happening in this case. So, Shifa starts open, right? Maybe I like this guy and she's incrementally realizing that this is not the guy for her, but she can't know that at the beginning.
It has to be something she discovers along the way and we're kind of discovering with her. It also gets to some degree decrease, um, increasingly worse. So the last example, you know, the last, like Uh, thing that goes wrong should be far, you know, should be worse than the first thing. That just keeps it interesting.
It keeps the tension growing and it keeps it from being flat. And, um, so yeah. So those would be two key things I would suggest that you take away from this story as a teachable moment. But also one more thing is that there is a change. She changed. She started out thinking, I want, I guess the change I would say is that she'll be a little more discerning about who she lets, just how she assesses.
Um, who, when she's being set up by somebody and I think that's it. So I hope this story is getting you to think about your own stories. And if so, Story District can help. We have shows, classes, consulting, coaching, and you can find out about all of that on our website, story district.org and follow us on social media at story district and if nothing else, please keep listening.
Tell a friend, subscribe and leave a review. Any one of those things will help us keep this podcast going till next time. I'm Amy Saidman, and this is, I Did It For The Story.